Grey would be hard to read because for a man so very quiet as he was, he had a busy mind, so very used to holding back everything. He knew Val was looking at him, and that the angry energy around him had changed to something else. But it wasn't before he spoke that Grey looked down at him.
Something aching opened inside him, a vast ocean of desire and longing, not a single thing shifted in his expression but since Val was so closely reading him, he would feel the cresting and crashing of waves that came and came. A little bit of softening around his eyes as Grey reached to brush his fingers across Val's hair, tucking it behind his ear. Then sadness, loneliness, quiet resignation.
"You don't want to fall for me," he said quietly. "If I haven't lost my mind to this job, I've lost enough of my soul that there's no saving it. You should find someone, who can make you happy, keep you safe."
Val was quiet while Grey worked through his emotions and thoughts, tracking them as best he could - he'd feel worse about it, but it wasn't like Grey didn't know this about him. Know that at a certain point he couldn't not listen. He still let his eyes close when Grey brushed his hair back - it was still in a slight disarray from when Andre had dug his fingers into it when Val's mouth was on him.
"For a really smart guy, you can be a real fucking idiot, you know that, Grey?" Val asked, voice soft and gentle in spite of the specific words used.
Grey let his hand cup Val's cheek, brush his calloused thumb across the man's cheek, his thumbnail gliding across long lashes. Fuck this little asshole, too damn pretty for his own good.
"Maybe," he said softly, just as caught up with the moment. "I would hate to see you hurt. Would hate myself if I were the cause of it."
"I don't want to say 'life is pain', but-" Val gave a soft laugh, didn't shake his head even if he wanted to, though. He didn't want to disrupt Grey's hand on his face.
"I'd rather risk getting hurt with you, if it's an option of that or staying safe and alone."
Grey's cigarette had burned to the filter. He flicked it away towards the puddles on the street while he let his hand slip behind Val's neck, pulled him in until Grey could lean down to brush his lips across the blonde's brow.
"You could be happy and safe," he said quietly, then his nose twitched as he smelled the earthy scent of sex and another man on Val. Irritation flashing, forced down, peaking again as Grey growled and pulled away, reaching up to rub a hand over his face.
"Are we actually having this conversation while your hair smells like someone's cum?" he asked, brows quirking with sharp amusement, not exactly the gentle kind.
There was still some cigarette left on Val's, so he focused on smoking that down to not let it go to waste. Much as he'd rather focus on Grey, on his mind, and on his body. He gave a snort and his own somewhat mean laugh at Grey's last statement.
"I was hardly the only one here who got any action, hypocrite," he pointed out. "And I've never been safe and happy a day in my life."
Grey thought back to his absolutely failure of a hook-up, amusement simmering somewhere under annoyance, self-depraving humour, a little bit of exhausted longing mixed in that.
"Yeah, fuck you," he murmured with a soft snort. "At least you look like you had a good time at it." His hand found its way back to Val's hair, bony fingers carding through it before grabbing a hold of the messy locks, fisting in it.
"C'mon, if you shower that stench off, I'll let you sleep in my bed."
Val let out a soft grunt when Grey's fingers fisted in his hair, almost dropping the cigarette as his mouth briefly went slack. It was finished anyway - one last pull from it before dropping it onto the ground and stamping it out, looking up at Grey with mischief in his eyes.
And just like that, they were back at the teasing and toying, prodding and suggesting. A swell of frustration rouse inside Grey but he pushed it back with a small sigh and rolled his eyes for Val's amusement.
"You think I've not seen your scrawny ass enough times?" he asked as he turned to pull open the door and kept it so for Val to precede him inside. They were on the road plenty of times in wilderness, there was no room for privacy. He unfortunately knew perfectly well how Val was shaped. And yes, he wanted to slide into that shower with him and press him against the cold tiles, rub against him until all of that scent of the other man was gone...
Val was not even remotely teasing or toying - the offer was genuine, but they always were. What was he supposed to think when Grey threaded his fingers into Val's hair like he intended to force the blonde to his knees for a repeat performance?
"Apparently not, since you still act like you don't want it," Val said mockingly, not at all surprised that Grey opted to not take him up on it as he made his way in to head straight to the shower to wash off.
"You know I do," Grey replied as he closed the door behind them, his jaw tightening as he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the rack beside the door.
He wore just a pair of jeans so worn out they were soft around his legs, and a long sleeved shirt with tiny buttons running down to his ribcage, half open, sleeves rolled up. No socks under his shoes as he kicked them off. His hair was a little damp, rolled up to a bun at the back of his head. The bathroom would be misty from his shower just a few minutes ago.
"You know how much I want you," he said again, a little louder this time, because Val had already marched into the bathroom. He had to raise his voice to be heard. "It should be pretty fucking obvious."
He leaned back out the bathroom door, down to just his faded jeans he was already opening up to slide off his hips.
"The only one stopping you is you, Grey~" he said, melodic, before slipping back in to finish getting his jeans off and turning on the shower. He didn't bother to close the door behind him.
Asshole. That thought was broadcasted with heavy intention of being received at the mindreading end. Grey stared at the open doorway with a glare. He muttered a curse under his breath and eventually sat himself at the end of the bed that hadn't even been turned down yet.
By the time the shower was on, he leaned back, flopping onto his back and tried to not think about Val in the shower. But it was near impossible with the door open and the sounds of him handling his cleaning business so very obviously there.
Well, at least it wasn't an erectile dysfunction that he had, considering how hard he was simply from imagining Val under the spraying water. Maybe there was thunder in the air because he couldn't seem to be able to bring his pulse down. Storms had him going like he'd never had sex before in his life, this felt similar, lightnings crawling under his skin.
Since Grey had already showered, Val took his time to use up all the hot water that was left. Besides, if they were hitting the road soon, who knew when he'd have his next chance at one? So he took his time washing his hair, thoroughly scrubbing himself down, making sure absolutely every part of him was as clean as possible...
And god damn it did Grey really have to do that now? He had to be trying to see how far he could push Val, had to be trying to break him or something. Val had never been so wanted by someone who fucking refused to have him. Palm braced against a wall, he let his other hand trail down to his cock. Still some hot water left and he knew just how to spend that time.
The truth be told, Grey hadn't figured out yet that his moods would affect Val in such a way. He wasn't an empath, and Val didn't really talk about that a whole lot. The moment he would realise it, he would try to be more mindful of spilling his emotional garbage all around.
Right now, he was concerned, however, stressed and turned-on, not really thinking clearly. The problem was that he could deny himself to kingdom come but he wouldn't be able to sleep, next to Val least of all.
So, he pulled himself up eventually, padding silently into the bathroom and came to a halt at the glass door leading to the cubicle, it was misty, he couldn't see anything through it but blurred shapes. He leaned his forehead on the warm glass, eyes closed.
"Val?" he asked quietly, just loud enough to be able to be heard over the shower. "You said before that you've never been happy a day in your life."
Val had already given himself several good strokes, biting his bottom lip, breath coming in rough-
He practically jumped out of his skin when Grey was suddenly there and - asking about happiness? For fuck's sake- it actually got a laugh out of Val, it was so goddamn absurd. Of course it was happening.
"'Safe and happy', pretty sure was the specific combo I was protesting. But- basically, yeah."
"Yeah, it's not a world where you'd find safety easily," Grey agreed, not realising he had interrupted something. Oops.
"Could we do something about the other, though?" he asked, frowning as he opened his eyes and regarded the almost milky texture of the mist coating the glass. "Would you be happier doing something else than what we've been doing?"
He wondered what Grey was getting at, but he couldn't get a clear picture from the other man's mind - only that it was weighing on him something fierce. Val hadn't intended that quip to strike so true, even if the words were honest ones.
"Suppose it depends on what you have in mind - this isn't a precursor to you ditching me for good, is it?" He asked, voice light, like that was a joke.
Grey went quiet with that, considering, his chest heaving with a sigh as he turned around and leaned back against the glass.
"In a long run, though," he started softly. "Would that make you happier? If you'd be able to find something else to do. The world is shit, that's a given, but that doesn't mean you'll have to spend all your time ruining your opportunity for something good. If you'd stay in one of these towns, you could find something good."
The mere thought of it made Grey feel sick. He had been hunting alone for years, and he's turned into a monster himself. Just having Val around made life so much better. But he would never sacrifice Val's chance for happiness to keep himself sane.
It was hard to not push. To not decide this had run its course so he might as well burn that bridge on the way out. Val was very spectacular about that kind of thing, always managing to get to the rejection first so he was in control of it.
And he knew he'd be fine without Grey. Not well. Not happy. But fine. He was fine before him, he'd be fine after. Val was an expert at survival, and he'd always keep his head above water no matter what he had to do or endure. He exhaled slowly- and shivered a bit as he realized the water was starting to cool. He turned the water off and stood there for another breath, dripping, watching the water drain.
"It's less shitty, hanging out with you. If you want me gone you can just say it, but don't martyr yourself over some idea I'll have a chance of 'happy' without you around. I sure as hell wasn't anywhere near it before we met. I don't see that changing if we split up."
"I don't want you gone," Grey replied without a pause. "You've made this life endurable. Better."
He'd survive without Val, he'd keep going. But would Val recognize him later if they'd cross paths? Maybe not. Having Val around has forced Grey to make decisions that are less harmful for himself and Val, not to always justifying the measures he's taken with the end results.
"And it's your decision in the end," he continued. "Not mine. Not anyone else's."
That out of the way, he reached for a towel and handed it to Val over the cubicle wall. His mind was busy, buzzing with questions and thoughts, but chaotic, out of order. Somewhere beneath it all, a flutter of butterfly wings, a hope that felt alien.
Val took the towel, offered so helpfully just as he was about to push the door open and make Grey deal with his nakedness and wetness. He toweled off his hair, his face, the rest of his body going downward from there.
"Then if it's all the same to you, I'll be hanging around for the foreseeable future. If I want to leave at any point - I wouldn't ghost you, I'd be polite and tell you first, but you wouldn't be able to stop me from leaving if that's what I wanted."
The door was pulled open at 'all the same to you' and Grey stared at him with a frown, watching the towelling that went on.
"It's not all the same to me," he said roughly, voice lowering to a rumble. "I want you to stay. I just don't want you to be..." A sigh slipped out with frustration and he reached over to grab the labels of the towel to scoop Val closer, hoping to catch his eye. "I just want you to be happy."
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Something aching opened inside him, a vast ocean of desire and longing, not a single thing shifted in his expression but since Val was so closely reading him, he would feel the cresting and crashing of waves that came and came. A little bit of softening around his eyes as Grey reached to brush his fingers across Val's hair, tucking it behind his ear. Then sadness, loneliness, quiet resignation.
"You don't want to fall for me," he said quietly. "If I haven't lost my mind to this job, I've lost enough of my soul that there's no saving it. You should find someone, who can make you happy, keep you safe."
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"For a really smart guy, you can be a real fucking idiot, you know that, Grey?" Val asked, voice soft and gentle in spite of the specific words used.
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"Maybe," he said softly, just as caught up with the moment. "I would hate to see you hurt. Would hate myself if I were the cause of it."
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"I'd rather risk getting hurt with you, if it's an option of that or staying safe and alone."
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"You could be happy and safe," he said quietly, then his nose twitched as he smelled the earthy scent of sex and another man on Val. Irritation flashing, forced down, peaking again as Grey growled and pulled away, reaching up to rub a hand over his face.
"Are we actually having this conversation while your hair smells like someone's cum?" he asked, brows quirking with sharp amusement, not exactly the gentle kind.
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"I was hardly the only one here who got any action, hypocrite," he pointed out. "And I've never been safe and happy a day in my life."
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"Yeah, fuck you," he murmured with a soft snort. "At least you look like you had a good time at it." His hand found its way back to Val's hair, bony fingers carding through it before grabbing a hold of the messy locks, fisting in it.
"C'mon, if you shower that stench off, I'll let you sleep in my bed."
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"Gonna help out or just want to watch?"
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"You think I've not seen your scrawny ass enough times?" he asked as he turned to pull open the door and kept it so for Val to precede him inside. They were on the road plenty of times in wilderness, there was no room for privacy. He unfortunately knew perfectly well how Val was shaped. And yes, he wanted to slide into that shower with him and press him against the cold tiles, rub against him until all of that scent of the other man was gone...
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"Apparently not, since you still act like you don't want it," Val said mockingly, not at all surprised that Grey opted to not take him up on it as he made his way in to head straight to the shower to wash off.
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He wore just a pair of jeans so worn out they were soft around his legs, and a long sleeved shirt with tiny buttons running down to his ribcage, half open, sleeves rolled up. No socks under his shoes as he kicked them off. His hair was a little damp, rolled up to a bun at the back of his head. The bathroom would be misty from his shower just a few minutes ago.
"You know how much I want you," he said again, a little louder this time, because Val had already marched into the bathroom. He had to raise his voice to be heard. "It should be pretty fucking obvious."
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He leaned back out the bathroom door, down to just his faded jeans he was already opening up to slide off his hips.
"The only one stopping you is you, Grey~" he said, melodic, before slipping back in to finish getting his jeans off and turning on the shower. He didn't bother to close the door behind him.
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By the time the shower was on, he leaned back, flopping onto his back and tried to not think about Val in the shower. But it was near impossible with the door open and the sounds of him handling his cleaning business so very obviously there.
Well, at least it wasn't an erectile dysfunction that he had, considering how hard he was simply from imagining Val under the spraying water. Maybe there was thunder in the air because he couldn't seem to be able to bring his pulse down. Storms had him going like he'd never had sex before in his life, this felt similar, lightnings crawling under his skin.
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And god damn it did Grey really have to do that now? He had to be trying to see how far he could push Val, had to be trying to break him or something. Val had never been so wanted by someone who fucking refused to have him. Palm braced against a wall, he let his other hand trail down to his cock. Still some hot water left and he knew just how to spend that time.
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Right now, he was concerned, however, stressed and turned-on, not really thinking clearly. The problem was that he could deny himself to kingdom come but he wouldn't be able to sleep, next to Val least of all.
So, he pulled himself up eventually, padding silently into the bathroom and came to a halt at the glass door leading to the cubicle, it was misty, he couldn't see anything through it but blurred shapes. He leaned his forehead on the warm glass, eyes closed.
"Val?" he asked quietly, just loud enough to be able to be heard over the shower. "You said before that you've never been happy a day in your life."
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He practically jumped out of his skin when Grey was suddenly there and - asking about happiness? For fuck's sake- it actually got a laugh out of Val, it was so goddamn absurd. Of course it was happening.
"'Safe and happy', pretty sure was the specific combo I was protesting. But- basically, yeah."
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"Could we do something about the other, though?" he asked, frowning as he opened his eyes and regarded the almost milky texture of the mist coating the glass. "Would you be happier doing something else than what we've been doing?"
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"Suppose it depends on what you have in mind - this isn't a precursor to you ditching me for good, is it?" He asked, voice light, like that was a joke.
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"In a long run, though," he started softly. "Would that make you happier? If you'd be able to find something else to do. The world is shit, that's a given, but that doesn't mean you'll have to spend all your time ruining your opportunity for something good. If you'd stay in one of these towns, you could find something good."
The mere thought of it made Grey feel sick. He had been hunting alone for years, and he's turned into a monster himself. Just having Val around made life so much better. But he would never sacrifice Val's chance for happiness to keep himself sane.
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And he knew he'd be fine without Grey. Not well. Not happy. But fine. He was fine before him, he'd be fine after. Val was an expert at survival, and he'd always keep his head above water no matter what he had to do or endure. He exhaled slowly- and shivered a bit as he realized the water was starting to cool. He turned the water off and stood there for another breath, dripping, watching the water drain.
"It's less shitty, hanging out with you. If you want me gone you can just say it, but don't martyr yourself over some idea I'll have a chance of 'happy' without you around. I sure as hell wasn't anywhere near it before we met. I don't see that changing if we split up."
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He'd survive without Val, he'd keep going. But would Val recognize him later if they'd cross paths? Maybe not. Having Val around has forced Grey to make decisions that are less harmful for himself and Val, not to always justifying the measures he's taken with the end results.
"And it's your decision in the end," he continued. "Not mine. Not anyone else's."
That out of the way, he reached for a towel and handed it to Val over the cubicle wall. His mind was busy, buzzing with questions and thoughts, but chaotic, out of order. Somewhere beneath it all, a flutter of butterfly wings, a hope that felt alien.
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"Then if it's all the same to you, I'll be hanging around for the foreseeable future. If I want to leave at any point - I wouldn't ghost you, I'd be polite and tell you first, but you wouldn't be able to stop me from leaving if that's what I wanted."
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"It's not all the same to me," he said roughly, voice lowering to a rumble. "I want you to stay. I just don't want you to be..." A sigh slipped out with frustration and he reached over to grab the labels of the towel to scoop Val closer, hoping to catch his eye. "I just want you to be happy."